Because a part of the man would have to want it so technically it wouldn’t be rape…?
I would not have thought this was a question I would ever see someone actually asking. But I’m going to make the rare choice of assuming you are legitimately asking and not trolling.
Yes, women can rape men. A person may become aroused when sexually assaulted, not because they are enjoying it in any way, but because the human body naturally responds to physical stimulation. Arousal does not mean that a person has consented to sexual contact.
The idea that a man cannot be raped is completely untrue, and it’s really harmful. Approximately 3% of men are sexually assaulted in their lifetimes. It’s important to acknowledge that and to provide support and resources to male survivors. Just because it’s less frequent than rape perpetuated against women doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen or that it isn’t just as devastating.
Not to mention, the misconception that men can’t be raped has a lot to do with a) cissexism (that man = person with penis), b) that rape only occurs when it’s penis-in-vagina intercourse, and c) the misconception that it’s only rape if it involves physical force (and that people with penises are necessarily stronger than people without and therefore cannot be physically forced and therefore cannot be raped).
The myth that men are always up for sex and therefore if they’re aroused they must want it is also just as damaging as the myth that if a woman is sexually assaulted she must have wanted it.
These sorts of misconceptions are what make it so difficult for men to not only report sexual assault but also to be believed when they do report it.
Basically: rape doesn’t have to involve physical force and doesn’t have to involve penetration with a penis (or penetration with anything at all). If it’s nonconsensual, it’s rape. Full stop.
The question was: “Is it possible for a woman to rape someone?” No gender specified.
“I have to say, as someone who is not Christian, it’s hard for me to believe Christians are a persecuted people in America. God-willing, maybe one of you one day will even rise up and get to be president of this country - or maybe forty-four in a row. But, that’s my point, is they’ve taken this idea of no establishment as persecution, because they feel entitled, not to equal status, but to greater status.”—Jon Stewart to Mike Huckabee on The Daily Show (via gayatheist)
“There are so many things that trouble me about the obsession with regulating women’s bodies. But as a man, I am particularly exasperated at the assumption that lies beneath the insistence on modesty: the myth that men cannot control themselves. As feminists often point out, the real “man-haters” are those who promote modest dress for women out of the belief that men lack self-control. There is nothing more contemptuous than the suggestion that those of us with penises and Y chromosomes are prisoners of our biology, liable to rape or commit infidelity at the first sign of cleavage. The myth of male weakness sells us woefully, heartbreakingly short.”—Standing with the Sluts (Hugo Schwyzer)
Every diamond worn by a Royal; every shred of cloth; every bite of overpriced gourmet food they eat; every blessing from a church member and horse powered carriage remind me of the wealth accumulated on the back of slavery. Every bit of European Royal related events reminds me of colonialism, death and the most inhumane living conditions inflicted on entire groups of people (should I post the infant mortality rates among Latin American First Nations to illustrate the contemporary effect of Spanish colonialism, perhaps?). And they remind me of the racist legacy that we have to endure to these days.
I cannot separate Royal wealth from how that wealth was made. It’s like a slap in my Third World face.
One (more) reason why i would like Mme Guillotine as the next head of state. Do i kid? Perhaps. But those royals have got to go.
Of course, getting rid of the royals, and indeed, the peerage and all hereditary class, doesn’t end colonialism. Class still exists, and people of class still use the state as an instrument to commit egregious violations.
I’m proud of my career. Although I had the class and financial privilege to finish high school, I was unable to go to college full-time right after high school. I was offered full scholarships to 2 different schools, but had to turn them down to work full time to support your parents.
(Soapbox moment: even if you have to borrow to finance your higher education, consider your class and financial privilege to not have parents or others relying on your income.)
Even though I entered the workforce with only a high school diploma, I climbed the corporate ladder very quickly. Undoubtedly, starting my career in 1998 towards the tail end of the first dot-com labor bubble helped. Also, prejudice about the competence of Asian males in IT probably also helped. I’m very privileged, and I own that. But still, I was able to climb over the course of 6-7 years to a very secure position.
Now, 13 years into a career in software engineering, I have financial security, will probably be able to finance GCS and FFS within the next year, all while having others still financially dependent on me. So although I’m very privileged, I’m proud of the parts of my accomplishment that I can take credit for.
There’s a lot of chatter on Twitter about identifying and avoiding ableist slurs. While identifying and confronting ableism is important, simply substituting new slurs in place of now inappropriate ones misses the point.
The function of a slur is to dehumanize. We reduce a person to a thing to be dismissed. When we say “crazy”, what we mean is that this person lacks the ability to think and act in some acceptable way. Therefore, everything that this person is doing is suspect and may be dismissed.
This is wrong. Ad hominem attacks are wrong.
The problem is that we distract ourselves from examining the specific actions or thoughts we find problematic. We don’t need a REASON; we just know that we don’t like it. Slurs allow us to not confront WHY, and to simply dismiss wholesale. It’s lazy, and it’s toxic.
If a person is doing something that is unwise or ill-considered, then say so. If a person is voicing opinions that we suspect are founded on priorities that we question or assumptions that are unfounded, then say so.
What happens when we say so? We focus on the action or thought. We confront the issue directly. We take the time to examine our own thoughts and actions. We communicate to others our values and have an opportunity to do real outreach.
Most importantly, we sap the anger and other emotions from the situation.
Why is this good? It gives us the emotional space to see the action or thought for what it is and allows us the room to forgive. That’s right: forgive.
Slurs indulge in wrath. Dehumanizing others allows us to take away from them their agency for redemption. Focusing on the action gives us the room to allow the person to recover and do better in the future. It opens us up to compassion and grace.
Is “crazy” ableist? Yes. But that’s not the point. Substituting “douche” for “crazy” solves nothing. We still dehumanize. We still indulge our wrath.
If you’re looking for substitute slurs to reach for, ask yourself why you need them. Why not just say what you find problematic? It’ll help you clarify why you feel the way you do. Open yourself to compassion and forgiveness.
This is an important, if somewhat academic, article by Canadian Native activist-scholar Bonita Lawrence and Canadian-Indian scholar of race and gender Enakshi Dua examining the ways in which indigenous people, indigeneity and the fact of ongoing settler colonialism and anti-colonial struggles has been conspicuously absent or put in a secondary position in Canadian (and U.S.) anti-racist theorizing and activism. They set out to put racism and anti-racist struggles and theories within the context of ongoing colonialism in North America
To me, the study of colonialism in North America smacks of self-congratulatory bullshit. “Look how enlightened we are now compared to those hateful bigots of yesterday.” It’s a ruse to keep us from confronting ongoing bigotry and colonialism.
Please read this link. It’s so important, and yes, you can do something about it.
I’m sorry for the long absence! This is the first time I’ve logged into Tumblr in I don’t know how long. I’ve been unplugged dealing with massive amounts of stuff… So, an update:
I’m processing my breakup. My ex insists on being best friends, and I’m too weak to assert myself and maintain that I need distance. I just finally moved out into my own place 2 weeks ago (phew!), but I’m still spending some nights at my ex’s place… It’s a total mess, and I’m an emotional, self-loathing wreck.
My overbearing mother has inserted herself now that I’ve broken up. She’s very isolated and lonely. Since coming out, we’ve gotten much closer. However, she wants to insert herself into my life in unwelcome ways. For example, she wants to move in with me, and I’m too weak to even tell her that I’ve gotten my own place. She thinks I still live with my ex, because I just can’t break it to her that I won’t be living with her right away. The worst part is that even though I have no desire to live with her, whenever we talk about it I see myself buying into the vision and helping to plan it. Also, she’s always persuading me to “tone down” my presentation, which she feels is necessary because I don’t blend. It’s really discouraging to get that kind of feedback, and I’m too weak to tell her to back off. Sigh.
I’m full time at work now. I’m a consultant on a subcontract. My “boss” (who is my direct client), has a contract with the company we all do work for. When I came out to him, he didn’t want to make any waves with the client by having me transition in the office - we were using their office space. So he had me wait on going full time until he got his own office space, which happened a month ago. So now I’m full time in the new office space, which is great, except that the commute doubled to 1hr45min each way. I’m totally drained every day as a result. Furthermore, the way he handled it left a really bad taste in my mouth. It’s better than I expected (I expected to be dismissed), but still, the fact that he hid me like the stepchild in the attic feels shitty. Finally, he and my one female coworker are terrible with my new name and pronoun; sometimes it doesn’t feel like they even try. I can tell I freak out my female coworker thoroughly, and I know that to the two of them I’m just playing dress up.
I’ve let all my extracurricular responsibilities slide. Tumblr, a software engineering meetup I organize, my commitments to NFP organizations… I also started Krav Maga, but haven’t been to a class since my move to my new office because of the commute.
So that’s the status of things. I’m suffering from severe anxiety and stress letdown. A bunch of stuff has just resolved itself: my relationship, going full time, legal transition; and I’m now questioning, “What’s next?” I need to bat cleanup and get settled into normal life again… Legal transition is ongoing - credit records, random stuff like my library card and airline miles. I have to finish unpacking and assemble the furniture I bought for my new place. And I’m freaking out. I feel like I should be doing something big, and I’ve gone over this ad nauseum with my therapist: I know I need to reestablish a normal daily routine.
The worst part is that my anxiety is manifesting itself as body dysphoria. I HATE my body. I suffer from constant self loathing, suicidal ideation, and cis envy. I torture myself in public when I see someone with a smaller ribcage, more defined figure, daintier feet - all stuff I can’t change about myself. The dysphoria is so intense. I thought that by going full time, I would leave that behind, but no. And that’s part of my disappointment with my life right now.
So I’ve committed to myself to take baby steps to reestablishing a normal life. I’m going back to Krav Maga class this Saturday, and I’m committing to 1 day a week. I’m going to put some shelves up this Sunday. I’ve already taken steps to getting my software engineering meetup back on track - I have an assistant organizer and am now looking for a second. I need to ease back into my Tumblr responsibilities.